Christmas 2012

Another Christmas has come and gone once again. It feels like it was just yesterday that Jordan and I were looking forward to being off work together for 5 days…but in reality, that was about seven days ago and we are back to work once again! I would say “back in the normal swing of things”, but life is far from “normal”. As we are waiting for paperwork to be completed for our new house, Jordan and I have been “homeless”for 11 days now. With two trailers and a garage full of our stuff, two vehicles packed with 4 suitcases of clothes and shoes and shower necessities, and a dog, moving from place to place every few nights, it is safe to say we are tired, frustrated, and ready to be in OUR HOUSE! We are, however, so thankful for friends, family, and the timeshare in Canyon Lake for housing us (and our stuff) over this “in between” period.

Our living situation at this time is not normal, but I would also venture to say there was nothing “normal” about this holiday season. As many things have and are changing, we tried to make the holiday season “normal”, but it just wasn’t the same. I know most things never will be the same, but at what point does something new become “normal”? Or does it ever?

Families change, traditions change, people change, and people grow                                                 

Days go by and life goes on, hold on tight, because quickly it goes                                                               

Sometimes it’s fair and sometimes it’s not           

Just remember to be happy for what you've got.                                                                             

Above all and throughout all change, I must remember to treat others the way I would like to be treated, even when it’s hard. As other things continue to change, I try to remind myself that life isn’t always “fair” and may never again be “normal” as we once knew it to be. I must learn to be content in whatever circumstance I am in and remember that change is part of God’s plan. There's always comfort to be found in the scriptures, and for He, who never changes, I am thankful!

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Thy Will, Not Mine

Over the past 8-10 months, something has weighed heavily on my heart and in my mind. For those of you who do not know, my sweet Nannaw’s time here on earth ended on March 31 this year. After about seven years of fighting, the cancer won. It has been a difficult journey for us all, my Pawpaw especially. When she passed, Nannaw and Pawpaw were just a couple of months away from their 68^th wedding anniversary. 68 years of marriage! What a beautiful marriage they had. A relationship, marriage, and family built upon the Lord, their Rock. This strong foundation showed in all they did in their day to day lives. Nannaw always had such sound advice; Pawpaw always talking about biblical things. Not only were/are their words an encouragement but also their actions. Nannaw was truly a Proverbs 31 woman. (I tried to pick a verse from Proverbs 31 to use, but the entire chapter is fitting). Pawpaw truly loved her as Christ loves the church and showed that love every day. I started to notice something said in Pawpaw’s prayers about a year or so ago. Of course, we always prayed for Nannaw and her health as she was struggling with the cancer. The difference between my prayer, though, and Pawpaw’s prayer were five little words. “If it be Thy will” I cannot remember a time that Pawpaw prayed for her without praying “if it be Thy will”. When I recognized this about a year ago, I started thinking, “why am I not praying this way?” I know that this is the attitude and prayer that we should have, but it seems so hard. I began to try to include this “phrase” in my daily prayers for Nannaw. However, I never felt sincere when saying “if it be Thy will”. I was so afraid that His will, would not be in line with my will. My will, of course, was for Nannaw to beat cancer and be with us here on earth for a much longer time. Then I started telling myself, if Pawpaw, of all people can pray this way, why can’t I? He was her husband, they were made “as one” nearly 68 years ago, they spent all day every day together, they worshiped together, they ate every meal together, they (at one time) milked cows together, they sat on the front porch together, the watched Dr. Phil together... everything they did, they did together. He was the one that would be most affected by her illness or passing. Yet, he was the one who could sincerely plead to God to heal his wife, but only if it be God’s will. I am not sure if Pawpaw will ever know the impact he has had on my life, especially my prayer life. Among many other things, he has showed me how I ought to pray and how strong my faith ought to be. Jesus showed us the same type of example when He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane. He was approaching the time of His crucifixion, yet He prayed “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass away from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” In order to pray “Thy will, not mine,” we must be able to deny self and fully trust in God, even when it is really hard. I am convinced that if I can get to the point to where I can sincerely pray “Thy will, not mine” about all things, then this attitude will carry over into my every day interactions with other people. God first, others second, me last.

Pawpaw prayed for Nannaw every day that she fought that cancer. God answered his prayers, just not with the answer we all wanted. However, Pawpaw’s trust in and love for God did not allow his faith to waiver. He is still as faithful as ever and still prays the most humble, sincere, selfless prayers I have ever heard. I thank God for him as his example and pray that my faith can be strengthened enough so that I can sincerely pray Thy will, not mine about all things.