Week 9!

I have had several requests for updates on the pregnancy, so I figured I could go ahead and write about it here! I will continue to post updates on the blog, but I will not be sharing all of them to facebook. We have friends who have been going through the same struggles as we have over the past few years, and we know that pregnancy announcements and updates are hard to see. So, we welcome you to check back at the blog every now and then for an update. We may share a couple of 'big' updates via facebook. :)

Today we have reached 9 weeks 3 days! We have already seen so many milestones, for us, anyway! With each appointment, we go in with excitement, fear, hope, and anxiety. My doctor is amazing and will see me anytime I need to. I already have many more ultrasound pictures than most do at only 9 weeks! I have welcomed all the sickness and fatigue and have been taking short and easy days at work. Maybe we're crazy, but every time I throw up, Jordan and I grin and giggle- giddy with excitement that symptoms are still around. In fact, between week 6 and 7, I started feeling pretty good and the nausea had faded quite a bit. I got so nervous that I called the doctor and she saw me the next day, did an ultrasound, and everything was fine! I have been seeing her every 1.5-2 weeks so far. My next appointment is with the Maternal Fetal Specialist (the high risk doctor I have  been referring to) and that is not until February 22! My longest wait in between appointments yet! As long as there are no reasons for concern between now and then, I am going to try not to worry myself enough to have to schedule another ultrasound! Doctor suggested we order a fetal heart doppler, so that has been ordered and we're waiting for it to arrive. I know it is too early for us to use right now, but maybe before the 22nd we will be able to hear the heart beat at home. But, I have read they can be tricky, so I am telling myself that if we don't hear the heartbeat at home, it is probably because I am using the machine wrong!

As far as sickness goes, my mornings are usually pretty good, late afternoon and evening are what get me. Also, we have learned that I get most sick when we travel. I am still trekking along with the medication plan- 400 mg Progesterone, baby aspirin, special prenatal, and Lovenox injections. We're thankful that we found out about the baby just at the end of last year, because we got one month of prescriptions on my old insurance. Thanks to more insurance changes, the price of my medication for the baby is now 6x more expensive per month than it was last year. As frustrating as the insurance part is, we don't complain- we are so happy to have a reason to buy the medication. And on the bright side- I have already reached my deductible for the year!! 

I'm excited to admit that I already have a mini bump! My mother in law had found some maternity pants at Goodwill and I love them! I'm wondering why all pants aren't made this way?? At this point, I don't want anything tight touching my tummy- my mom says she was the same way. 

In the midst of all the excitement, we had a some sad news last week. After 90 years, my Pawpaw passed from this life. I so badly wanted our kids to know him and Nanaw. We know that our first two babies are in paradise with Nanaw and Pawpaw, and we like to think that they've already met and are having the best time. 

Since we had already taken off work 3 days for the funeral, Jordan didn't feel like he should ask off again, so I took our moms with me to the doctor appointment yesterday. An ultrasound wasn't planned, but I asked for one so they could see. It was going to be an additional charge, but I had some spotting yesterday morning, so that gave a medical "reason" for an ultrasound and I didn't have to pay any extra! I have read a lot about women on lovenox having some spotting throughout the pregnancy. I also had slight change in progesterone pills the night before, and I have been told any change in that could cause some spotting. I still don't like to see that- but was comforted to see that all was fine! While the moms were there, the baby moved for us during the ultrasound! It was so exciting to see the movement, the growth, and the development! We even got a video of the baby moving! -see below-

We have been so humbled and so blessed by all of your support and prayers. Reading the comments from so many has brought us to tears! 'Thank you' just doesn't seem like enough to say!

Click HERE to see the video!

What to Expect When No Longer Expecting

     June 8th, 2015. A day that was once anticipated with great excitement. A date that is forever ingrained into my memory. A day that I became nervous and anxious about. The day that was the expected due date of our first child. You see, the expected due date is just that- expected- there are no guarantees. Some babies comes early, some babies come late, some babies don't come at all. And for parents like us, the expected due date is all we have. As I sit at home this morning, preparing to go to work, I can't help but think about the "what should have been." There is no hospital bag packed; no carseat in the car. There is no decorated nursery; no baby clothes sorted by size in the closet. There is no feeling of excitement or anticipation; no one waiting for a phone call to say "it's time". Just a pregnancy journal that is lacking details from the second and third trimesters, sweet cards from friends and family, and silence and stillness in this house.
    Facebook reminded me this morning of what happened on June 8, 2010. It was a day full of excitement and love. Family was in town, wedding planning was in full swing, and I had a lovely bridal shower in Dripping Springs that day. Life was busy and exciting. New adventures coming up, plans for our life together being made. One of those being plans to be married for 1-2 years then start a family. Looking back at those pictures this morning, I can remember that day very clearly, I never would have guessed that 5 years later we would not be expecting to meet our first child on the expected due date. Even more so, I would not have expected to be preparing for, not the birth of our first child, but the miscarriage of our second child.
     The last time I posted a blog was November 24 when we shared with you all the news of our first pregnancy and loss. That was a very difficult, helpless, lost, angry, and hurtful time for us. It has been a long, trying, roller-coaster, pill taking, injection giving, test taking, blood giving, doctor visiting 2.5 years of trying to become parents. In the past 9 months we have lost our 2 only children before we even got to meet them. But, in the past 7 months, since we have opened up to our family and friends about our struggles, we have been shown more love, concern, compassion, and care than we could have ever imagined. Our faith has grown, our hearts have been touched, our hands have been held up (Exodus 17), and the Lord has blessed us. He has blessed us with children who we will meet some day in Heaven. He has blessed us with physical families that love us and care for us. He has blessed us with a spiritual family, both locally and around the world, who have taken our names and burdens before the His throne in prayer (James 5). He has blessed us with each other and a marriage that grows stronger through our struggles (James 1). He has blessed us with broken hearts that have learned to find our strength in Him (Psalm 34:18). He has blessed us with a new opportunity to work with the youth in our local congregation; an opportunity that has already and will bring us great joy. He has blessed us with a Savior who walked this earth, was tempted in every way, who hurts when we hurt, and who loves us enough to have given His life so our souls could have the chance to be with Him in eternity.
     Not expecting the expected... The word expected is defined as: regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or coming of. I always feared that I may have trouble becoming a mother. I am not sure if I "just knew" something was not right with how my body was functioning, or if the fear was just there because being a mother was something I have always wanted so badly; something I dreamed of, something I anticipated, something I expected. It is a weird feeling to not only "not expect" but to know that we will not meet our baby on the expected due date and to also know that we will not meet our first two children until we pass from this life. People expect to become parents, raise their children, spend a lifetime together, and then to pass from this life before their children do. Maybe, sometimes, our own expectations are a dangerous thing that lead us to hurt and heartache. Maybe we should put more time and effort into finding out what God's expectations for our lives are and strive to fulfill those expectations. Then, when the time comes for our lives on this earth to end, we can be at peace, not just expecting that we will spend eternity in Heaven, but knowing that because of our Savior, His sacrifice, and our commitment to obeying Him, we will spend eternity in Heaven.
     God is good, all the time. And all the time, even when things don't go as we would expect, God is still good.